That was brilliant, thanks for posting. Good to see you on here again!
i'm so glad these brutal shards of fiction are back in my life . . . they're best when it's 3am and you're high, and you log onto LJ not expecting anything like it, then bam . . . there's a sliver in your eye
good god, man.
Your fictions scare me because they're JUST that close to truth.
Out of practice, my patoooie, sir! You're sharp as ever.
Does this mean Falconer shall be returning?
That's a nice little story. I'm always impressed by nano-tales, there's something pure and direct about fiction that short.
Reading Doktor Sleepless is the only thing that kept me from punching my mother-in-law this weekend
so thank you
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/996772/447266) | From: ydna 2007-10-29 02:59 pm (UTC)
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Thank you thank you thank you thank you!
I liked it when you did this first time round with Lazarus Churchyard!
I wonder who would win in a fight between Doctor Sleepless and Doktor Sleepless.
Impressive, sir! Your dark, brutal style is inspiring as always. This piece is particularly good as the character is as far fetched as he (or she) is believable.
Keep up the good work, ~Tim
You scare me.
In a very good way.
Shakespeare gots to get paid, son :)
I cannot help but wonder how long before someone ignores the "do not post your fiction in comments" and the whole thing goes to crap... again.
Still.
The fastfiction must flow.
I love your disgusting brain.
I needed that on a Monday morning while grading papers. Thank you, sir.
I read Doktor Sleepless #3 before bed last night. It did weird things to my dreams. They looked kind of like the cover. Black and white and complicated and vaguely Lovecraftian. There wasn't a plot, but I didn't miss it.
Cool. Reminds me of Bill Burroughs.
Gentle? What would you do with gentle?
Might be the mom in me, but it makes me sad. Nice and evocative.
I'm not sure my comment will be of much use, but here's hoping. (Also hoping that you're looking for constructive criticism and not just a bunch of "Awesome!"'s. Heh.)
Positive: My favorite part of this short was the last sentence. The most vivid and sensational part was the description of "my grown-up Jack Baby." My favorite word: "narcotophores."
Negative: The transition from the first to second paragraph seems incomplete. As a reader, I was a little thrown off and disconnected by the first sentence of the second paragraph. I'm wondering why jenkem is worth making (or describing) until the high from jenkem is compared to a Jack high.
I think "seal" also had me thinking that the jar was already closed, which surprised me when the narrator twisted the jar shut later.
The last thing is that (and I'm probably being stupid) I'm confused as to whether the narrator gets high off the Jack Baby and/or stills houses the Jack Baby.
I don't know, it's missing something. I get that there is the drug Jack with the resultbeing Jack babies... and then there is the narrator who had a Jack baby of his/her own? Or was it that he/she dated a Jack Baby and got hooked? For the ramblings of a junky who'd be willing to scrape the Thames for hopes of a high from neuro-chemical spillage waste, it sounds disjointed and rambly enough.
But something is missing. Perhaps it's just my need for more to satisfy the curiosity of the questions this snippet brings up.
Creepy. I think I like it, but I've read it three times now and I'm still not sure. An intriguing concept...
![[User Picture]](http://p-userpic.livejournal.com/27644056/6540237) | From: card0 2007-10-29 05:33 pm (UTC)
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highlight of my day. long and miserable day that it was, then I caught this on my vario waiting for the train. commuter poetry. cheers.
This reminds me, I had a high school teacher that would always accuse the class of being a lot of crack babies...
Thank you for this, sir. It's all sorts of lovely wrong. |