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5: Tech Support [Dec. 4th, 2007|04:59 pm]
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"Okay. Work with me here. An avatar on the virtual world Second Life has a power footprint. It uses 1800 kWh a year. Yes?"

"Okay."

"Second Life has its own currency, pegged to the dollar. One dollar buys 256 credits. No matter what the dollar's worth. It's in-world currency. Yes?"

"Um. Well, not quite, but --"

"So the SL credit is stable."

"Doesn't matter. The dollar isn't. You can't -- "

"But wait. 1800 kWh IS stable. And 1800 kWh is the same as the power footprint of the average Brazilian."

"It is?"

"Yes. The average Brazilian uses 1800 kWh per year."

"So?"

"So the only stable currency in America is actually the Brazilian."

"Oh my God."

"Now, in this foam cooler here, I have many fine pieces of Brazilian people. And I would really like one of those new iPhones. Can we do business?"






33degrees
flashfictions
do not post your fiction in comments
© warren ellis 2007
33D05

music: The4am 05
book: crooked little vein
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Comments:
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[User Picture]From: [info]rwx
2007-12-04 05:01 pm (UTC)

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Stable or not, it'll still sting when the hair comes out.
[User Picture]From: [info]sagcat
2007-12-04 05:23 pm (UTC)

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I, too first read "the Brazilian" as the process, and not the peoples. I figured maybe a barter society that hates pubic hair was developing. Which I'm completely supporting, of course.

"Will trade Brazilians for goods and/or services."
[User Picture]From: [info]jerem_morrow
2007-12-04 05:01 pm (UTC)

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Hahaha. Here, fucking here!
[User Picture]From: [info]arsenala13
2007-12-04 05:02 pm (UTC)

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Pure genius. If I had a iPhone you could have it flat out.
[User Picture]From: [info]razelore
2007-12-04 05:03 pm (UTC)

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But won't Brazilians having babies devalue your currency? Do we need to sterilize the country to keep the currency stable?

And I have no idea how they're going to fit in my wallet.
[User Picture]From: [info]happymrlocust
2007-12-04 05:17 pm (UTC)

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But if we sterilise the country, eventually they will die and the value will also be destabilised, but in an upwards direction.

So we need to work out a way of bringing in just enough New Brazilians to keep the exchange level.
[User Picture]From: [info]gdwessel
2007-12-04 05:04 pm (UTC)

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...THE HELL
[User Picture]From: [info]childofmetis
2007-12-04 05:09 pm (UTC)

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Please don't give my crazier customers ideas. :(
[User Picture]From: [info]mythfish
2007-12-04 05:13 pm (UTC)

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Ha, I say. Ha ha!
[User Picture]From: [info]drucifer25
2007-12-04 05:16 pm (UTC)

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It's only a matter of time.
[User Picture]From: [info]dextradawn
2007-12-04 05:18 pm (UTC)

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I just had a flash of someone trying to shove a toe into a USB port and trying to upload it to PayPal.
[User Picture]From: [info]childofmetis
2007-12-04 05:23 pm (UTC)

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Haha, like people who used to try and fax money.
[User Picture]From: [info]ersatzhaderach
2007-12-04 05:28 pm (UTC)

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This is incidental stability. What happens if secondlife servers start drawing more power? Do we ship a whole bunch of Aqua Dots to Sao Paulo and devalue the currency to maintain stagflation?
[User Picture]From: [info]moonandserpent
2007-12-04 05:41 pm (UTC)

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Hah! Awesome.

Is that a real figure re: second life avatar footprints, though?

[User Picture]From: [info]warren_ellis
2007-12-04 05:42 pm (UTC)

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Yes.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: [info]autumnluv
2007-12-04 08:05 pm (UTC)

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lmao
[User Picture]From: [info]burntcopper
2007-12-04 06:00 pm (UTC)

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and probably more than your average european, I presume.
[User Picture]From: [info]pendamuse
2007-12-04 06:06 pm (UTC)

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These "pieces" of which you speak - are we talking random arms and legs or something I can actually barter with?

I'm in a bit of a cash cruch and a good Brazilian kidney can fetch me 40K easy.

Nevermind. Don't be a hero. Just hand over the cooler pal, and no one gets hurt.
[User Picture]From: [info]fortysevenbteg
2007-12-04 06:07 pm (UTC)

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Hmm. Suddenly I have the urge to go rob Orkut.
[User Picture]From: [info]fatfred
2007-12-04 06:18 pm (UTC)

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Sounds logical to me.
Do specific parts of Brazilians have higher values?
[User Picture]From: [info]fungol
2007-12-04 06:26 pm (UTC)

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the 1800kWh figure is incorrect, fyi.
From: [info]miss_electra
2007-12-04 10:49 pm (UTC)

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What is the correct figure? Inquiring minds are dying to know.
[User Picture]From: [info]autodidactic
2007-12-04 06:32 pm (UTC)

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I would like a Brazilian. Preferably female with an ass I can scale like Mount Everest.
[User Picture]From: [info]sdemory
2007-12-04 06:53 pm (UTC)

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Right the hell on. Woman after my own heart.
[User Picture]From: [info]kittydoom
2007-12-04 07:14 pm (UTC)

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You make my brain hurt.
From: [info]bbullock
2007-12-04 07:33 pm (UTC)

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See, I think that's all part of Warren's cunning plan. He works to destroy everyone's mind, so that he can download his own agenda into them.
Soon, the Internet Jesus will be all anyone thinks about.
[User Picture]From: [info]taffer
2007-12-04 07:49 pm (UTC)

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That's the best thing I've seen all month.
[User Picture]From: [info]tekende
2007-12-04 08:37 pm (UTC)

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"Yes, sir, we can has business."
[User Picture]From: [info]jarodrussell
2007-12-04 09:23 pm (UTC)

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But what is 1800 kWh actually worth?
From: [info]khperkins
2007-12-04 10:12 pm (UTC)

About...

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$162 (US) where I'm from. That's based on a rate of approximately $.089 per kwh.
From: [info]galalefey
2007-12-04 10:00 pm (UTC)

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I'm afraid I have no idea what any of this means. Whoosh! All over my head.
[User Picture]From: [info]morbid_curious
2007-12-04 11:39 pm (UTC)

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Better living consumerism through thermal depolarisation.
[User Picture]From: [info]kowari
2007-12-05 12:10 am (UTC)

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*shudder*
And I get the heebeegeebees just thinking about how Second life is more fucked up than MMORPGS like EQ or WoW because at least those define themselves as "games" and at least TRY to stop people from blurring the lines of Cyberspace and Meatspace.

That *points up* makes my grey bits even greyer.

Second Life Sucks Donkeys Balls.

Oh and dude wot said "that number is wrong" - What IS the right number, personally, I trust Md Ellis' number because he is a pedant.
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